


The Peanut Butter to My Jelly, the Cream to my Pie

by SammyLuka



Series: The Delirious Adventures of a Mercenary and his Badass Cyborg Boyfriend [1]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Don't ask me why, Fluff, Humor, I promise, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Spoilers, There just is, There's Pig Latin in here, for Deadpool 2, not your typical soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 18:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14816457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyLuka/pseuds/SammyLuka
Summary: "'I reallylikelike you,’ Wade reiterated. ‘And before you ask me what the hell that means, lemme just tell you that it’s likethat. I want you to be the peanut butter to my jelly, the Stan Lee to my cameo, the Pepto to my Bismol, the cream to my-’‘Wade,stop.’”(The obligatory Cablepool "I only know you by your superhero name and have no idea that you're my soulmate" AU. Wade is a dumbass).





	The Peanut Butter to My Jelly, the Cream to my Pie

**Author's Note:**

> So, firstly, just to set up the scene, you should know that in this AU, everyone has the name of their soulmate on the back of their necks. Wade would have "Nathan Summers" on his person, and Cable would have "Wade Wilson" on his. 
> 
> Secondly, [here's](https://lingojam.com/PigLatintoEnglishtranslator) a Pig Latin translator. You're probably going to need it.
> 
> Enjoy!

For the first few months, Wade only knew him as Cable. Cable, the time-travelling, ass-kicking, gun-slinging silver fox that sacrificed the chance to see his family again to save Wade’s life. Yeah, fuck that “I didn’t do it for you” BS. Wade knew that Cable saw something in him; saw some reason to sacrifice his chance at happiness to keep Wade’s pathetic ass alive. Wade just didn’t know what.

So he stayed as Cable. Just Cable. Honestly, Wade didn’t really want to learn his birth name. He just liked to imagine that Cable was born with silver hair and bulging muscles. Wade didn’t want a guy who looked like the lovechild of the Terminator and Jeff Bridges to be named Dave or something.

Cable was Cable and Wade was Wade and it was actually really nice for a while. The X-Mansion opened its arms to the surviving members of the X-Force (after a fair amount of coercion by Colossus) and they took up residence for a while. While residing at the mansion, Wade attempted to fix Cable’s timey-wimey watch of wonder, but to no avail. The man was stuck in the past with only the knowledge that his family was alive and (mostly) safe to console him. Wade was entirely sympathetic to his situation. He wouldn’t admit it now that the option wasn’t there, but Wade had one hundred percent been planning on nabbing the device to fix his own situation. Now they were both stuck in the same present, under the almost the same circumstances. 

The more time Wade spent with his new family and without Vanessa, the more he thought about his soulmark. It wasn’t Nessa’s name that was written on the back of the neck, but that didn’t bother Wade. You didn’t need to be soulmates to be in love. The two of them worked because Vanessa’s soulmate had died before they’d even really gotten a chance to be something and Wade knew that Vanessa was the one for him. He didn’t trust that anyone else would be able to love him like Vanessa did after what he’d been through and everything he’d become.

After Weapon X, Wade didn’t trust that the ‘Nathan’ that’d written itself onto Wade’s skin when he was nineteen would be able to _look_ at him, no less _love_ him. 

That’s why Wade was happy with Vanessa. They were like pieces from two different puzzles that still fit together when you pushed them close enough. Or, like, when you take the caps from two different water bottles and you switch ‘em around and they screw on just fine. That’s what Wade and Vanessa were.

And then Vanessa had to go and _die_. Seriously, that is some _damn_ lazy writing. 

It took several months, but Wade eventually accepted it. It wasn’t like he had expected to live happily ever after, Cinderella-style. Nah, he knew that something was going to blow up in his face at some point. Maybe the universe hadn’t finished torturing him yet. Take away a man’s good looks and the woman he loves and what does he have left? A grudge. Thankfully, Wade was pretty damn good at holding grudges against the universe.

But, for some reason, even after everything, it seemed like Wade was still being given second chances. He may not have had the love that Vanessa alone provided, but he’d found some kind of home. So, Wade might’ve started thinking about his soulmate again.

And wasn’t it funny that when Wade thought ‘soulmate’ he always seemed to end up thinking about Cable?

It wasn’t like the two had anything to do with each other. Wade guessed it was just because he liked to think about both of them. He liked to think that his soulmate could love him. He liked to think that Cable could deal with him. For some reason, Wade wanted to be _more_ when Cable was around. More than a loud-mouthed tumor with a devil-may-care attitude. Cable seemed to ooze control and strength and was downright scary sometimes, but in a good way. Wade wanted to be some semblance of what he saw in Cable. He wouldn’t hesitate to admit that he had a bit of a thing for the time traveler. And what of it? Who wouldn’t have a thing for time-traveling Josh Brolin and his future fanny pack?

Wade often wondered about Cable’s soulmate. He wondered if his wife had been it. He wondered if they even _had_ soulmates in Cable’s future. Wade was equally thankful and infuriated that the techno-organic virus had taken over the space where Cable’s soulmark would’ve been. He told himself it was just curiosity. That’s definitely all it was. 

As the days without Vanessa went on, Wade became more and more glad that his own soul mark had become jumbled and illegible after Weapon X. In the words of every toddler’s internal monologue _ever_ , if he didn’t have to look at it, he didn’t have to think about it. That didn’t stop him from thinking about it, though. 

So, there it all is. Vanessa was dead, the so-called X-Force was living in Charles Xavier’s Home for Peculiar Children, and Wade was trying to become Cable’s best friend. And, to literally _everyone’s_ surprise, he was kinda succeeding at it.

The two sparked an odd friendship that confused just about everyone around them. Everyone expected Wade to _say_ something; _do_ something; hit a nerve _just_ right and wait for Cable to snap and drop Wade’s ass like it was nothing. But, contrary to popular belief and _everything_ about how he’d treated Wade in the beginning, Cable was pretty damn tolerant - especially so when it came to the mercenary. It was like there was something different about Wade, something Cable knew that made him soft around the other man.

Wade didn’t want to think about it. That was a self-hatred-filled path leading to a glorious pity party that Wade certainly didn’t want to travel down.

Instead, Wade continued to float on the blissful clouds of a new friendship. The greasy, oil-stained, blissful puffs of condensation that represented him and Cable, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. This metaphor is way too convoluted just to say that Wade was numb, and maybe even a little happy. Those fluttery feelings in his chest and stomach _could’ve_ just been indigestion, after all.

“ _Please_ tell me you’re watching porn,” Wade announced one day as he barged into Cable’s room. The man in question had been lazing on his bed, laptop laid over his legs, and didn’t even bother to look up once Wade had entered the room. 

“Reading, actually,” Cable said. Wade came and flopped down on his stomach in front of Cable, his chin in his hands, his legs bending upwards, and his feet crossing over each other. He blinked at the other man a few times before he spoke again. 

“Oh, so you’ve moved on from watching your porn to reading it, huh? Classy.” When Cable offered no response to Wade’s teasing, the suit-clad merc continued. “I bet you’re doing a ‘Choose Your Favorite Bedspread and We’ll Tell You Which Avenger You Should Bone’ quiz. If so, this is definitely a ploy for the author to use this as an opportunity to rant about how smokin’ hot Captain America is through our witty and intelligent dialogue,” Wade deadpanned. Cable simply hummed in assent, clearly not paying attention to anything Wade was saying. “Okay, what the _hell_ are you doing on there? Are you actually watching porn?” 

Instead of leaving Cable be like any normal person would, Wade decided to scramble up the bed until he was laying on his side next to the other man, his face pressed way too close to the laptop screen. Displayed on the aforementioned screen was nothing but black text on a white background (Boring!). After reading the first visible sentence and already seeing the words “inexorably”, “quantum”, and “lattice”, Wade decided that Cable was being his boring old-man-self and was probably reading a science journal. Or something. Wade turned onto his back and flopped back against the pillows, groaning dramatically.

A period of silence followed. Cable paid attention to his laptop. Wade didn’t like silence (Unless it was post-sex silence, which this was definitely not). So, in true toddler fashion (because that’s what Wade was. A toddler.), Wade decided he was going to get Cable’s attention through other means. Specifically, Pig Latin. 

“Iyay eallyray ikelay ouyay.”

Cable finally looked up from his laptop, providing the merc with a curious look. “Wade-“ 

“Andyay Iyay ouldway eallyray appreciateyay ityay ifyay ouyay ouchedtay ymay uttbay ometimesay.”

“ _What_ -“

“Eriouslysay, owhay avehay ouyay otnay evenyay accidentallyyay ouchedtay ymay assyay etyay? It’s ayay oodgay _mmph_ -“

Cable smacked a hand over Wade’s masked mouth. “What the _fuck_ are you saying?” 

Wade began talking again, with the hand over his mouth, and Cable sighed. He removed his hand and stared at Wade expectantly. 

“Have you seriously never seen that episode of _Teen Titans Go!_? Why am I even asking? Of course you haven’t, you adorably stoic future-man.” Wade poked Cable’s cheek and watched as Cable restrained himself from smacking Wade’s hand. 

“Are you actually having a stroke this time? Can you even _have_ a stroke?” Cable tried. Wade prodded at Cable’s face again and this time, Cable actually grabbed Wade’s wrist with his techno-organically infected hand, glaring at the merc.

Wade rolled his eyes. It somehow translated perfectly onto the mask. “It’s Pig Latin, also known as ‘English, but worse’.”

“You gonna translate for me?” Cable asked, and he was still holding Wade’s wrist.

“I said, ‘I really like you’.” Wade fixed the man next to him with a blank stare. He was met with a slightly confused one of Cable’s own.

“I… Really like you too?” And was Cable’s eye glowing a bit brighter when he said it?

Wade’s heart definitely did not flutter when Cable began rubbing his thumb over the sensitive underside of Wade’s wrist. This was already better than when Wade had asked out Becca Middleton in fifth grade. Becca _fuckin’_ Middleton.

“I really _like_ like you,” Wade reiterated. “And before you ask me what the hell that means, lemme just tell you that it’s like _that_. I want you to be the peanut butter to my jelly, the Stan Lee to my cameo, the Pepto to my Bismol, the cream to my-”

“Wade, _stop_.” Cable dropped Wade’s wrist and Wade’s expression fell because _fuck he’d fucked up Cable probably hated him and it was all going to shit and_ why _did this have to happen and_ -

“How the hell have you not kissed me yet?” Cable asked.

Wade blanked. He was speechless. For about twelve seconds.

“Uh, even _I_ have boundaries, Bucky. I’d rather not get punched by your HYDRA arm and-”

And then the mask was being pulled off and Wade was being kissed. By Cable. And it was fucking awesome.

Wade immediately reciprocated, relishing in the feeling of Cable’s lips against his own. When Cable reached a hand up and cupped Wade’s cheek, the mercenary simply melted, falling boneless against the bed. Cable pushed the laptop to the side and turned his body towards Wade’s. In a matter of seconds, he was straddling Wade’s hips, his hands roaming the expanse of the merc’s suited chest.

" _Fuck_..." Wade breathed against Cable’s mouth, his hips bucking upwards. They’d barely touched and Wade was already putty under the other man’s hands. Cable lifted Wade's arms up and pulled the top of his suit off with little difficulty, automatically going to work on Wade's neck and chest. He licked and sucked and nipped at the textured skin, soothing each bite with gentle kisses. 

"Shit, that’s good… Really good," Wade murmured, his hands still held above his head. Cable trailed down Wade's chest and sucked a nipple into his mouth, gently biting down. Wade yelped, his back arching off the bed just the slightest. “Y’know, you’re pretty good at this for a big ol’ future virgin.”

Cable looked up at Wade from where he was positioned over the mercenary’s stomach, rolling his eyes. “Sex _does_ still exist in the future, fuckwit.” Wade's breath came out staggered as Cable pulled at the waistband of Wade's pants with a crooked finger. At Wade’s reaction, Cable moved his hand back upwards and began rubbing gentle circles into Wade’s side with his metal hand.

“Nathan Summers,” he announced suddenly, his fingers moving up and down Wade’s flesh. 

Wade knew that name. His heart jolted when he heard it. He dedicated immense effort to not reaching back and rubbing at his soulmark.

“What? Please tell me that’s not your secret boyfriend or something,” was what Wade chose to say as Cable watched him carefully.

“No. Nathan Christopher Charles Dayspring Summers. That’s my name.” 

What in the cuckfuckling _fuck_.

Wade desperately wanted to make a joke. He wanted to wall himself up and _hide_. Because there was no fucking way that this was true. Marvel continuity was seriously fucked and led to some weird-ass relationships between heroes, but this…

Wade sat up, less-than-gently pushing Cable from his lap. “Are you..?”

“Yes.”

“Am I..?”

“Yes.”

Okay. Fuck.

Fuck.

“Is that why you..?”

“Again, yes.” Cable - _Nathan_ \- put his hand on Wade’s knee. “There was no way I was leaving you behind. You have no idea how long I’ve been looking for you.”

Wade gave Nathan his best impression of a confused puppy. “You really seem like the kind of guy to tell destiny to suck it, though. I mean, unless you’re ‘Big, Purple, and Angry’ you, then in that case, you and destiny have some kind of a thing going on, or maybe that’s just your god complex. _Seriously_ , why don’t you just use your golden glove of destiny to make more resources instead of-” 

“In my future, we don’t have that much to hold onto anymore,” Cable interrupted. “Yeah, I had my wife, and _fuck_ did I love her, but it’s different. You aren’t you without the name on the back of your neck. The world doesn’t give you much good, but you do get your ‘mate.”

Wade was quiet for a moment. “Things are really different where you come from, huh?”

Nathan nodded. “I’m here to try and prevent your generation from fucking the world before it can fuck us. Having you here while I do that is definitely an added bonus.”

“You never planned on seeing your wife and kid again,” Wade stated. “This would make a really good twist in the third movie. Someone should get on that.”

Cable shook his head fondly. He leaned in and cupped Wade’s cheek, a bare semblance of a smile gracing his lips. “You’re an idiot.”

“So I’ve been told.” Wade leaned in at the same time as Cable did.

“My idiot.” The kiss that followed was impossibly sweet for the two pain-hardened men who shared it. Everything they’d been through seemed to culminate in a burbling ocean of tenderness and dissipate into nothingness. It felt so utterly _right_ that Wade couldn’t even come up with some bit of doubt or guilt to attach to it. And wasn’t that just fucking _adorable_.

Wade hadn’t expected to find his soulmate after all the shit he’d endured throughout his life. After Vanessa, he’d thought that was the end of his line. But it seemed that the universe really was throwing him another bone.

He was happy. He was sure that those tingly feelings _weren’t_ indigestion as Nathan trailed his hand down Wade’s abdomen and past the waistband of his pants.

Maybe he would catch a break. (Until the next movie where he would inevitably be ripped from happiness _again_ , but he had until at least, like, 2020 before that happened).

Wade fell back against the bed again and relaxed into the feeling of Nathan’s hands spreading across his body.

Thanks, Universe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me at my tumblr [here](https://armored-avenger.tumblr.com). Come talk to me about Cablepool!


End file.
